Welcome Back
by The Sheikah Bandit
Summary: In order to obtain a body for Wheatley, Chell and the Intelligence Dampening Core go back to Aperture Laboratories, where they become GLaDOS' newest test subjects. Sorta Chelley.
1. Chapter 1

"Okay. No, no, no. This is not working." Wheatley sighed, the core's optic looking down at the ground. Currently, he and the former test subject Chell were attempting to travel, but quickly found that Chell didn't have the strength to carry both Wheatley and the companion cube. Not to mention Wheatley was otherwise useless without limbs. The sphere was currently being awkwardly held underneath Chell's arm, the other arm preoccupied with trying to pull to the companion cube with them. Chell sighed and blew a piece of hair out of her face, clearly exhausted.

"Even if we do leave the cube behind, you're rather heavy." Chell mumbled, not used to talking. Tired, she plopped down on the companion cube and held Wheatley firm in her hands.

"Lovely. I have an idea...but it's bloody dangerous." he exhaled, mimicking the same sentence he said the first time her derailed. Chell ushered for him to continue.

"As you know, having arms and legs and other human appendages is very helpful. And I think we know somebody who can give me arms and legs and stuff." Wheatley said, making Chell's eyes widen.

"We can't go back there! Are you kidding me? It took me like twenty freaking years just to get out of there, and now you want to go back in!" Chell exploded.

"I know, I know! Which is why I said it was bloody dangerous. Remember? I literally just said that." Wheatley replied, now sidetracking.

"I remember. It's just...what's your plan?" Wheatley inhaled.

"Can I get back to you on that one?" Wheatley said, making Chell sigh.

"Look, all we gotta do is get me a body and escape. We pretty much know where all the exits are now anyway. Well, I do. Because, well...you know why." Wheatley countered. As dangerous as the plan sounded, they pretty much had no choice, unless Chell was to leave Wheatley, maybe her only companion on the whole entire planet, behind. Which obviously wasn't going to happen.

"Fine...I guess we're going back to Aperture." Chell said hoarsely.

**1011001110**

Chell stood in front of the old rusted shed from which she originally emerged from, Wheatley in her arms.

"Well. This is it. Knowing _her_, she's probably got about a hundred turrents ready to shoot us down." Wheatley said, half jokingly. Chell gulped.

"Right. Not helping. Sorry, carry on with the door opening." Wheatley said nervously, as Chell gripped the handles. She half expected to find a swarm of red eyed turrents in front of her as she opened the door, but to her surprise, found absolutely nothing but a pristine elevator.

"Someone's been renovating." Wheatley muttered as they trekked to the elevator, finding the area around it completely clean and polished. Inhaling, Chell stepped into the elevator, the doors swishing closed behind her.

"Oh. Wow. Brilliant. Hadn't expected us to get this far." Wheatley said, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"What? We're going to face _her_ without a plan?" Chell hissed, her eyes now widened. Wheatley squirmed around in Chell's hands.

"Oh, what's that? A door? Interesting!" Wheatley stammered, as the elevator stopped in front of a blue door. Chell rolled her eyes and tip toed toward the door, her heart racing.

"Okay! Here it goes!" the core said as the door opened. It was too dark to make out anything, a first. Then, slowly, the lights turned on one by one. And finally, a big spotlight shined down at Chell and Wheatley, as GLaDOS emerged from the darkness, her yellow eye glowing brightly.

"Welcome back. I've been expecting you." GLaDOS' cold, computerized voice said.

"Expecting us? What? You've planned this entire thing?" Wheatley suddenly said, his blue optic lighting up the area. GLaDOS leaned in close and glared at Wheatley.

"I was expecting _her _not you. And I thought we left you behind in space?" GLaDOS hissed. The personality core quivered and Chell shifted him so he wasn't facing the the looming robot.

"Riiight. Well, it turns out, the Earth likes me! I was just sittin' around, listening to the Space Core ramble on an on, and all ofa sudden, I'm bein pulled back to Earth! Amazing really." Wheatley rambled, his optic shifting around.

"Well, you obviously came back for a reason. So, what do you want?" Chell inhaled and looked up at the robot, trying not to be intimidated.

"How would you say...I you had two new test subjects? Voluntarily of course, no resistance." Chell mumbled, adding the last part on quickly. GLaDOS hung limply, stunned at the sounds that had just escaped the woman's mouth. Words? After all these years she was...talking?

"So. It talks."

"Look, do we have a deal or not?"

"I hate to break it to your primitive little brain, but that moron you're currently holding isn't a human." GLaDOS said coldly.

"Not a moron!" Wheatley hissed. Chell glared at him before returning her attention to GLaDOS.

"He can be a human though...he didn't kill all of the humans. Perhaps you could...do a core transplant on him?" Chell said, closing her eyes, ready to choked with neurotoxin. Instead, she received a 'hmm'.

"It does sound interesting to study. Hmm. Fine. I will do a core transplant...for science." A claw emerged from the ceiling and picked Wheatley up easily.

"Woah! Uh, is this gonna hurt? If it is, can I opt out?" Wheatley said nervously as he was swung through the air.

"It will and I can't. See you in a couple of hours, Intelligence Dampening Core." GLaDOS said as he disappeared through the ceiling. GLaDOS turned her attention to Chell, who was standing quietly in front of her.

"Seeing as you so carelessly left the Aperture Science Hand-held Portal Device on the moon, I have created another one. You friend though, will have to do without one." GLaDOS said, the a portal gun emerging from the floor. Without another word, Chell hopped over to the gun and picked it up, finding no blood splatters and no dirt. Very nice.

"We still have 58 minutes before that little idiot's core transplant is done, so I might as well give you another present. Ha. I'm being rather generous. Much like your weight." GLaDOS sneered. Chell curled her lip at the last comment. A hole in the floor opened up underneath Chell and she found herself falling down a narrow chute. Did her encounters always end that way with GLaDOS somehow or another? Getting flung or falling somewhere? A few minutes of falling later, Chell fell into a gray walled room; no buttons, no tubes, just a sealed off door. Following lose behind her was a clean jumpsuit and shirt. She glanced nervously at the camera and blushed.

"Really? If it makes you feel any better, I'll close my eyes." GLaDOS said happily. Chell rolled her eyes; the super computer was obviously bluffing. But...unless she put that suit on, GLaDOS would probably just keep tormenting her. That being said, she quickly changed into the jumpsuit, pleased at the fact that GLaDOS hadn't made a comment the entire time. Until of course, one she was all changed, the super computer started to laugh.

"Despite the lack of food you consume, you seem to gain weight every day." GLaDOS snickered. Chell glared at the camera in the room and blushed, tying the top portion of the jumpsuit around her waist.

"Oh. Look at that. The moron seems to be done. I guess there really wasn't much information to be transferred." the robot said somewhat coldly. The doors to the room slid open and Chell passed through them, still sliding on her boots. Chell stepped into the elevator, it traveling upwards.

"Great. The idiot doesn't even seem to know how to walk yet." GLaDOS growled as the doors to the elevator opened. Chell smiled to herself and walked through the door. The first thing she saw when she entered, was a lanky man with ginger hair and black framed glasses. He wore a gray jumpsuit with darker boots and a blue optic looking thing on his back. Chell nearly scoffed at the sight.

"Chell! This is bloody brilliant! I have _legs_! Well, granted, I'm a smelly human, but check it out: _legs_!" Wheatley said, upon spotting Chell. The test subject gave the core a weak smile and nodded.

"Oh! Oh! Watch this!" Wheatley said. With that, he wiggled his fingers, entranced at the fact that his fingers were moving.

"Are you idiots done playing a done? We have testing to do, after all, and we only have 60 years." GLaDOS said, interrupting Wheatley.

"'She always this pushy?" Wheatley whispered to Chell.

"It gets worse." Chell whispered back.

"I can hear every word you two say. Now, if you would precede through the door, we can begin testing." GLaDOS said. Chell stepped forward easily, but Wheatley found himself tumbling over his on feet. The sound of GLaDOS sighing could be heard over the P.A system.

"Assist him." Chell rolled her eyes and walked back to give him her shoulder. Wheatley gratuitous slung his arm around her neck, weighing the poor woman down.

"Cute. Congratulations, you've finally found someone of a more generous weight than you." GLaDOS said snidely as they struggled to the door. Chell glared daggers at the camera and passed through the emancipation grill and into the elevator.

"Your rather strong for someone you size." Wheatley said as the elevator dropped down.

"Your just taller than me." Chell said, rolling her eyes.

"Huh. Really?" Chell slapped her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose. The doors to the elevator slid open and Wheatley wrapped an arm around Chell's neck. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"What are you doing?" She growled, being weighed down by Wheatley.

"Walking is hard." he complained as Chell took a step forward.

"Leaning on me isn't going to help you walk. Now, get off of me." Chell said, pushing him off of her shoulder. Her result however, was him still clinging on to her next, and knocking herself down in the process.

"Great job, Intelligence Dampening Core. Do I need to introduce a friend called neurotoxin to you?" GLaDOS snapped, as Chell pulled herself up. Wheatley quickly scrambled to stand up, grabbing Chell's hand for support.

"Hurry up." Chell muttered, walking well ahead of him. Instead of saying something stupid, he snapped up from the ground and stumbled through the door and into the test. It was simple; the room split in half by toxic acid, a button on the other ledge and a button too.

"If your wondering why the test is so simple, turn your head 45 degrees." GLaDOS said, referring to Wheatley, who was still watching in amazement at his fingers moved around. Chell sighed and rolled her eyes. This was not going to be easy; after all, he wasn't called an Intelligence Dampening Core for nothing. She shot a portal on the other side of the room and one behind her, Wheatley staring at the portals curiously.

"Can I try?"

"NO!" GLaDOS and Chell said in unison. God knows what would happen if he was in possession of a portal gun. Chell stepped through, appearing on the other side while Wheatley stared through the portal.

"So do I just step through? Bit confused on how these thingys work." Wheatley asked.

"What do you think?" Chell said. Noticing the peeved off look in her face, Wheatley nodded and smiled nervously.

"Walk on through it is then! Come on, wouldn't want to hold up dear GLaDOS." he said pleasantly, strutting through the portal and appearing on the other side of the room. Chell pressed the red button, sending a weighed companion cube hurtling down a tube. Picking it up, she placed the cube on the red button, therefor opening the door.

"Fabulous. You both deserve cake." GLaDOS' voice cackled over the P.A system, making Chell frown.

"Cake? Really! I've never had cake! Well, obviously, because I was a core, but cake! Sounds so exciting!" Wheatley said in excitement. The brunette woman slapped her forehead in annoyance and passed through the emancipation grill. This was evidently going to take a while. The core followed closely behind her, fearing being sealed behind the door by GLaDOS.

"What's the plan?" Chell said quickly as the boarded the elevator. GLaDOS wouldn't be able to hear them; it was the perfect area to discuss anything they didn't want her to hear.

"Uhh...would it be safe to say I don't have a plan yet?" Wheatley said after a moment, readjusting his glasses.

"Bloody things." he muttered, squinting at Chell. The woman's eye twitched one or two times before something finally came out of her mouth.

"Pure moron."

**101000101001**

"It recently occurred to me that since you so willing handed yourselves over to me, I might as well give you proper living conditions." GLaDOS' voice said as Chell slid down the wall of the elevator. She perked up at the though of a nice, non decaying bed and a meal that wasn't dehydrated.

"Lovely." Wheatley mumbled, half asleep on the floor of the elevator. The doors swished open, sending a blast of cool air at the two. Exhausted, she peeled herself off of the ground, using to only savoring a few moments of relaxation.

"Get up." Chell muttered, yanking him up by the arm.

"I'm tired. Your human bodies suck, getting tired and all." Wheatley complained as Chell dragged him through a door.

"Great. You made it. There are two bedrooms with adequate living conditions. The basics, basically. A living area down there and a kitchen across from it. You'll have the chance to spend the next five hours as you wish." GLaDOS said.

"One question; what's a kitchen?" Wheatley asked innocently. Chell said nothing, for, she was getting quite tired of explaining everything to him.

"Food. A place where food is prepared and served. Good evening." GLaDOS answered.

"What is it you humans do when your tired?" Wheatley asked as Chell entered one bedroom. GLaDOS wasn't lying about the adequate living conditions part. The room looked exactly like a relaxation chamber, except with a real bed and shades on the glass walls. It was almost as if the robot had jammed the relaxation chambers into a different area, decorated it slightly differently and called it a day. Chell collapsed on the bed, smiling as her eyes closed and took in the softness of the comfy bed. Another body plopped down next to her. Eye arched, she stared at Wheatley, who was know collapsed on her bed. Standing up, a a cold glare directed at him, she yanked him up from her bed, jolting him up from his sleep.

"Wha? What are you doing?" He asked as Chell tried shoving him out of the door.

"People don't sleep together." Chell mumbled, closing the door and locking it.

"Oh." was all that came from Wheatley as Chell collapsed on the bed.

"Well, see you tomorrow then!"

Oh yes. This was going to take a while.


	2. Chapter 2

Chell was woken up by the blaring sound of a siren. Panicking, she quickly shook the sleep off and jolted up from the bed, her jumpsuit wrinkled and her hair a bird's nest.

"Five hours of rest is complete. You have thirty minutes to eat. Your choice, of course." GLaDOS said over the P.A. Seeing as there was no pounding on her door, Chell figured Wheatley was still asleep. Rolling her eyes, she jumped up from the bed and unlocked the door, hearing very loud snoring coming from the next room. She pounded her fists against the door, hungrily staring at the kitchen.

"Wheatley, wake up!" Chell said hoarsely. Hearing nothing, she she looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

"If you don't wake up, I'm coming inside." she said, this time more clearer.

Nothing.

Groaning, Chell fiddled with the handle and walked in, finding Wheatley curled up in a fetal position and swaddled with a blanket. His glasses were strewn across the floor and he had somewhat of a peaceful look on his face. Not thinking twice, she shook his shoulder violently. After a few minutes, his eyes finally flicked open and the optic on his back lit up to the bright blue color she was used to.

"Oh. You. What's...what's going on?" Wheatley said groggily.

"Humans need to eat, and you have about 20 minutes to do that." Chell said quietly, ignoring his question.

"Are we having cake?" Wheatley said, perking up. He had to be kidding her.

"What's with you and cake?"

"I keep hearing about it! It most be special if everyone's talking about it!"

"Who's everyone? You only know like, three people! And I'm the only human you know!" Chell responded.

"Fine. No cake." Wheatley sighed, crossing his arm across his chest.

"Would you stop being a baby and hurry up? Now we only have around 16 minutes to eat." Chell sighed.

"Will the food be tasty?" Now, Chell was about to lose it.

"Wha- tasty-what? How do you even know what tasty is?" Wheatley had no answer to that one, and begrudgingly, crawled off of the bed and followed Chell to the kitchen. To her dismay, GLaDOS purposely placed the cupboards too high for Chell to reach without help.

"Wheatley, there's probably a box up there, full of food, open it up please?" Chell said. Wheatley gave her one glance, still pouting before shaking his head.

"What if I told you there's cake in the box?" Wheatley's head jerked up and he looked at Chell.

"Really?"

"Yes. Really." Chell mumbled. Excitedly, the core easily opened up the cupboard and pulled out the box, checking for cake. Upon discovering that there was in fact no cake, he glared at Chell.

"Oh you liar." Before Wheatley could place it back in the cupboard, she snatched the box from him and hurriedly stuck her hand in the box, intent on eating something before testing started. She threw a a handful of cheerios into her mouth, despite it's wretched stale taste. It was food, and the real stuff nonetheless. Wheatley stood by, staring curiously as she stuffed her mouth with the stale cheerios. Feeling eyes boring into her skin, she shot a glare in Wheatley's direction.

"What? I'm just..._observing._ Yeah. I think I got that word right. That is what it means, right? Because if it's not you should correct me, otherwise I'll keep using it and it won't really mean what I want it to mean. Get what I'm saying?" Wheatley said, now starting to ramble. Chell nodded and took one last handful of cereal before handing the box to a confused Wheatley.

"What's this for?" Wheatley said, causing Chell to roll her eyes.

"You eat it." Chell muttered. The core hesitantly stuck his hand into the box and scooped up cereal. He shoved it into his mouth quickly, finding himself choking as it sped down his esophagus. Chell's eyes widened in panic and she quickly slapped his across the back, making him spit out the soggy bits of cereal.

"That was terrible." Wheatley breathed out as Chell shot him an annoyed look.

"You're supposed to chew the food, you idiot!" Chell hissed.

"Really? That's what these are for?" Wheatley said innocently, pointing to his canine teeth.

"And here I was, thinking nothing could annoy you." GLaDOS voice said sadistically, as Chell sighed.

"Anyway, your time is up, it's time for testing." the robot said, a door sliding open. Chell wordlessly passed through the emancipation grill, while Wheatley held the cereal box close to his chest, excited to use his new found teeth. As he passed through however, it dissolved into black dust. A horrified expression crossed Wheatley's face and Chell could hear GLaDOS snickering.

"I suppose dear Chell didn't inform you of the emancipation grills and their served purposes." GLaDOS said as Wheatley stared at the dust at his feet.

"Emanci what?" Wheatley said, scratching his head.

"Hmm. You really are more moronic than I thought. Oh well. I suppose your friend can fill you in on the ride to the test." GLaDOS said as Wheatley entered the elevator, a look of sheer disappointment on his face.

"Have you thought of anything yet?" Chell said quickly, once the doors closed.

"Eh. Well. No. No, actually, I haven't." Wheatley said, tumbling over his words.

"I...I don't understand what's wrong with you." she sighed quietly, as the doors opened.

"This test involves aerial faith plates. Have fun." GLaDOS' voice said over the P.A. System.

"I remember those! That's what I used to set up my...death...traps." Wheatley exclaimed, realizing what he said a little too late.

"Ohh. Too soon, yeah?" Wheatley said, sucking in his breath. Chell nodded with narrowed eyes as the door slid open. The two walked in to a room with two panels on the wall, an aerial faith plate and an otherwise inaccessible button. Wheatley raised his hand hesitantly.

"Riiiight. Um. I'm con fused." he said, as Chell approached the plate. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed him by the arm and pushed him onto the plate.

"Wait! No, AHHH!" Wheatley screeched as he was launched through the air. Chell followed close behind him and grabbed his arm before creating two portals. Swiftly and elegantly, she pulled him through the blue portal, therefore ending up on the ledge she couldn't reach before.

"That was...fun! Let's do it again!" Wheatley said as Chell pressed the red button. They looked up just in time to see that the tube led down the middle of the room, dropping the cube into the acidic water.

"Wow. Great." Chell muttered sarcastically.

"Thank you." GLaDOS said over the P.A.

"Stay right here, and when I say press the button, press it." Chell said quietly. That being said, she shot a blue portal at the wall near the door and an orange one at the wall behind Wheatley. Walking through, she yelled at Wheatley to press the button.

"You got it, luv!" he said, giving her a thumbs up. Once the core pressed the button, Chell stepped on the plate, spinning through the air as the cube passed through the tube. With precision, she caught the cube and opened up two portals, one near Wheatley and one at the ledge in front of her. At top speed, she dove through it, landing on the other side with the cube.

"Good job! I believe this is what you humans do when you achieve something, right?" Wheatley said, lifting his hand up.

"Yeah...I mean, sometimes, I guess." Chell shrugged, giving him a high five."

"Stop that!" GLaDOS said immediately, startling the two. A devilish grin appeared on Wheatley's face.

"Oh, you mean, this?" Wheatley said, giving Chell numerous high fives.

"Ohhh! I'm breaking her rules!" Wheatley mocked as Chell's eyes widened in fear. Before he could take it any further, a panel from behind him sprung from the wall, pushing him over the edge. Luckily Chell was just able to grab onto his hand before he plummeted to his death.

"Would you like to add on to your comments?" GLaDOS challenged as Chell tried pulling him up on the ledge.

"Uh...no thanks! I'm good!" he said nervously as Chell worked on pulling him.

"Jeez. You weigh a lot." Chell mumbled, finally getting him back up on the ledge.

"Thanks." he said sarcastically.

"Any time." Chell muttered, creating a portal behind them and one by the door. Pulling him by the hand, she rushed through the portal then through the open door. Once in the safety of the elevator, Wheatley began talking.

"We need to go."

"Really? I figured we'd stay here until the day we died." Chell said sarcastically.

"Oh aren't you a riot." Wheatley said flatly as the elevator doors opened.

"I hope you enjoy this next test. It was made specifically with you in mind." GLaDOS said.

"Who the bloody hell else would it be made for?" Wheatley said loudly, glaring at the camera.

"Watch it ID sphere, or I might just dispose of you." GLaDOS warned as the doors were opened.

"Well. Let's get started then." Chell said grimly.

**10110100101**

Almost nine hours of testing later, the two returned to the makeshift home that GLaDOS created for them. While not as exhausted as yesterday, the two were still fairly tired. It was then that Chell realized that there was a bathroom wedged between her and Wheatley's room. _With a shower. _Upon her discovering, she quickly dug through the drawer in her bedroom, pulling out a brand new jumpsuit and a towel. Locking the door behind her and hanging a wash cloth over the camera in the room- for good measure- she disrobed and turned the shower on. Once she stepped through the warm water, a smile former on her face. Running her fingers through her tangled hair, Chell lathered it with shampoo she found in the cabinets. It was actually very nice, considering she hadn't actually taken a shower in almost two decades. After thirty minutes of bathing in warm water, she dried off and changed into the clean, musty smelling jumpsuit, a brand new white tank top underneath. Pulling her hair back in it's usual pony tail, she emerged from the bathroom, where Wheatley was gobbling up whatever was in the pantry. His gray jumpsuit was covering in tomato sauce and he had food all over his face. Once Chell stepped into the room, though, his eyebrows arched in confusion and he lifted his nose up into the air. Hesitantly, he walked over to Chell, still sniffing wildly.

"What the hell are you doing?" Chell growled as he pressed his nose up on her cheek.

"What is that smell? It's weird...it kinda smells nice actually."

"That's me...I just took a shower..." Chell responded, pushing him away.

"A shower?"

"You know...like, bathing yourself in water to eradicate dirt and germs?" Chell tried. He seemed to be following her so far.

"I still don't get this whole 'smell' thing." he said slowly. To this, Chell sighed. It was almost hopeless, really. And kind of pathetic.

"Never mind." Chell muttered, her eyes narrowed. How she was actually going to escape Aperture with him was beyond her. Staring at mess in front of her and glancing back at Wheatley, she sighed. Honestly, he was almost as troublesome as a baby.

"Actually. You could probably shower right now." Chell muttered, noting the sauce all over his face.

"What? Why? I've no germs on me!" Wheatley exclaimed.

"Yes you do. Plus, you've got food all over your face."

"But I dunno how to shower!" he whined, stomping his foot on the ground. Oh god. She really wasn't going to have to teach him to clean himself, was she? Rolling her eyes and gulping nervously, she dragged him to the bathroom and turned on the faucet, a stream of warm water falling down.

"So, just...take off your clothes and go into the shower. BUT NOT WHEN I'M IN THE ROOM!" Chell shouted, slamming her eyes shut as he began disrobing.

**100100100110**

**It occurred to me that Wheatley should look more like Stephen Merchant, height included. So. There. **

**Thanks for the review, _Greatzero _and _Uzi212 _**


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